Dealing with Abandonment
Our Key Psychological Trauma - Feeling Separated from Source
Maurice Turmel PhD
I came to this earth a long time ago to learn about matter and to immerse myself in this grand experiment called Earth Life in the 3rd dimension. I was asked by my guides if I was prepared to do this and of course, I said Yes.
Lately I’ve been feeling shaken to my very core. The root of my psychological distress has been identified as “abandonment”, separation from the Source of my life. I know this to be true because I can feel it right down to my bones.
I never realized how important this was until recently when I relived the whole affair through feelings of abandonment vis a vis my parents in this lifetime. That image of the moment it occurred burns clearly in my psyche. I was 4 years old, out on the street in from of our apartment building. A bully had come up to me and threatened me. I turned around and looked up at our second story apartment window and saw my parents staring down at me, as if to see “what is he going to do?”
As I stood there realizing I was all alone, my body drained of energy and I felt paralyzed. I felt completely alone, betrayed and abandoned, realizing no one would be there for me. I’ve never forgotten that feeling. It has been at the root of all the significant traumas I’ve experienced since.
From that moment forward, my greatest fear was abandonment, or more precisely, the feeling of abandonment. I soon learned that if I performed in terms of jokes, schoolwork or hobbies, my parents would like me. I took the whole situation to mean “if you want to be loved, you have to do stuff that is impressive.” In other words you have to perform.
Of course that’s a child’s mind at work, strategizing a situation because there appears to be no recourse. There was no “welcome home” when I came back up the stairs. There was likely some ribbing and shaming because I was too scared to defend myself.
I must add here that this experience came on the heels of several beatings by my father who used the strap on me after my mother would turn me in for some indiscretion. In our house, every mistake you made was dealt with at the same level of ferocity. Either I was shamed by being yelled at and called down by my bellicose father, or, I was beaten.
My parents taught me to fear. The physical punishments and put downs ingrained this feeling in me. When I was out on that street I was already abandoned. It was simply a matter of punctuating the experience. I realized I had been abandoned earlier when I was told that my father yelled at me in the crib to keep from crying at night.
My parents were simple working folks. My father had lost his mother at age 6 and was raised by an abusive grandmother who always favored her youngest son, his father (my grandfather and name sake), at the expense of the 8 children who had to get up every day and manage the farm, while their widowed father slept. My mother’s situation was somewhat better, although the instrument of corporal punishment was well established in her home as well.
They both suffered some form of abandonment in their childhoods and brought that to bear on us, their 6 children, of which I was the oldest. I know this to be true because I’ve heard all the stories and have felt it. Presently I have begun to heal those deeper effects caused by disconnection from parental source.
How could it be that a child under 5 years of age could feel so completely abandoned? That’s the story we are about to tell here in this review on the Abandonment Trauma.
I am at a loss for words at times in trying to describe this experience. It is so hurtful at a cellular and emotional level that it sometimes feels like putting my hands into fire. For all of us who have this experience it has been a lifelong practice of trying to make up for perceived deficiencies as a result of feeling abandoned.
And by the way, those of you who are prepared to jump all over this thesis, let me assure you that your need to do so is based solely on the fact that you too have felt abandoned and you want to rationalize it away. Here’s a suggestion for you in particular. Go out and find the nearest 5 year old girl or boy and tell them why it’s wrong for them to feel abandoned. Go ahead! Defend your parents and theirs at the expense of your own inner child. You’ve been doing it all your life, so do it again now.
That’s the lesson here. Abandonment is a feeling, not a thought. It is a feeling and feelings do not respond to rationalizations or explanations. Those are left brained tactics intended to soothe and placate a right brained wound.
There is no escaping the trauma of abandonment once that feeling has set in. It has to be assuaged. It has to be accepted. It has to be retrieved and owned in order to be healed. It has to be felt and cried out, screamed out if necessary, because it is embedded in our cellular structure.
Why is this so important to deal with at this time? Because the crisis of abandonment is a Universal phenomenon that has been with us since the demise of Atlantis so many thousands of years ago. If we are to Ascend in this moment of our history that issue has to be put to bed once and for all.
When Atlantis slipped beneath the waves, it was as a result of the power struggles within the Kingdom, between those who stayed connected to Source and those who saw power and greed as a way to assuage themselves and feel greater than others.
Only through self-elevation can an individual feel superior to others. And in that superiority lays a kernel of the real truth. This individual has suffered abandonment trauma, which adversely affects the heart, and are dealing with it by various addictions and strategies based on power and control.
This is crucial to understand at this moment where Ascension stands on the horizon. We have to give up those ego goals of power and control in order to “feel” the loss of our connection to Source. It’s no wonder our parents abandoned us. They were only replaying what had happened to them. And this critical rift and secret separation goes all the way back to Atlantis where we lost our connection to Source.
What is Christ quoted as saying when he was up on the Cross? “Father, why hast thou abandoned me?”
This is the Universal cry of an infant seeking contact with its mother. It is the Universal cry of every generation since the Fall of Atlantis. No matter how hard we have tried as a species we have never been able to repair that rift. We’ve engaged power seeking, warring, accumulation of wealth, addictions, conquest and nothing has worked. Nothing!
There is a plight in humanity that goes like this:
“I have lost you Father. My heart is broken. How do I find my way Home?”
This is where we are at in terms of our impending Ascension process. For those of us who intend to Ascend and have followed all the protocols to do so, this dealing with the feelings of abandonment is our last trial.
It does not matter if our abandonment was intentional, or a by-product of poor parenting. The rift has occurred and has to be healed. The frightened little boy or girl inside has to be coddled, accepted, loved, nurtured and given every opportunity to cry out their pain.
Those who would deny this are not prepared to accept that deeper rift. They are still engaged in the worldwide collusion of pretense about who we are, why we are here and why we are superior to everyone else.
It doesn’t matter what you and I saw or experienced in terms of waves of distraction over the course of our lives. Abandonment remains a real trauma and a frightening feeling to confront. It simply will not go away until accepted and worked through.
As a species, we’ve tried everything over the past few thousand years and we have not succeeded in erasing that effect. It cannot be buried, sidestepped or rationalized. You go through it with all the help you can get, or, you stay stuck.
That is our only choice.